Disclaimers: Bobby's and Billy's family is my creation. The rest of the characters belong to the owners of the CBC television series "Da Vinci's Inquest" and the film "Hard Core Logo"
Comments, suggestions, and even questions like "What the fuck were you thinking?" are welcome at jb7811@bellsouth.net
Summary/Notes: In what seems to be some bizarre unspoken need to become even more obscure than I am, I got to thinking about how Bobby Marlow and Billy Tallent (née William Boisy) were both from Vancouver and bear a passing resemblance to each other. (Compare the pictures of Billy and Bobby on my webpage and you'll see they are not identical, despite being portrayed by the same actor, Callum Keith Rennie.) So anyway, I thought maybe they were cousins, and this happened. It evolved into kind of a coming-out story that coincidentally fit the Slash-writers List July challenge. Since we've met in canon the important women in Dominic's life, this story uses Bobby's mom as the original female character for the challenge.
Beta thanks: Barb G. for all kinds of helpful questions,
suggestions, and general prodding to keep going. Nicole for a wonderful
supportive beta, as always. nancy for doing one of the coolest things
ever by declaring herself "defender and champion" of this story (so if
you have any complaints...;-)
----------------------
Bobby snatched up the ringing phone before he was really awake, and mumbled a hello. The voice on the other end of the line had him sitting up and turning on a light. He squinted at the clock, fully alert.
"Hey Bobby, did I wake you?" His cousin's tone was a strange blend of amusement and apology, as if he wanted to be sorry for waking Bobby but wasn't.
"Yeah, it's midnight here. 'S okay, though." Bobby kept his voice low in deference to his sleeping bedmate when he asked the question that had become a ritual greeting over the years. "Where are you?"
"Buffalo, New York. I gotta be on stage in a few minutes." Billy paused and Bobby could hear him lighting a cigarette. Habit had him reaching for a pack on the nightstand before he woke up enough to remember he'd recently quit. "I just found out today that we'll be playing Edmonton next week--Shaw Conference Centre. Filling in for some other band that had to cancel."
"Ah...no, Billy. You gonna do it?"
Billy sniffed and said defiantly, "Yeah, no problem. It's just another show."
Bobby didn't know whom Billy was trying to convince, but it wasn't working too well. That particular city had way too much history to be taken lightly. He felt a warm hand on his back and looked over his shoulder to see Dominic watching him with a concerned, questioning look. Bobby moved the receiver away from his mouth and whispered, "It's okay. Go back to sleep."
Dominic nodded and closed his eyes, but didn't take his hand away.
"Did I interrupt something?" Billy asked.
Glad that the call hadn't come a couple of hours earlier when it definitely would have been an interruption, Bobby smiled and said, "Nothing but sleep. How's the tour going?"
"Fine. Edmonton'll be the last date, so I thought I'd come home for a few days afterward."
"It's been a while." There was nothing judgmental in the truthful statement. Although Bobby hadn't seen Billy in nearly a year, they had talked by phone often enough that the relationship never got that stretched feeling that plagued so many long distance friendships. Over the course of their lives, they had acquired a brotherly bond, which was never spoken of, yet was simply understood at some cellular level.
"Yeah. I can go to a hotel, you know."
"No need. You'll stay here." This too was a ritual exchange. Billy knew full well that Bobby paid extra for a two bedroom apartment that he didn't really need, just so Billy would have his own room. Bobby had promised Billy years ago that he'd always have a place to come to, whenever he needed it. Billy was always careful to not take advantage of his cousin's standing invitation, always offering to go to a hotel even if he showed up on the doorstep at three in the morning.
"Want me to come to Edmonton? I can probably get a couple days off." Bobby offered, not wanting Billy to be alone if he didn't want to be.
"Thanks, but it'll be okay." Bobby could hear the smile in Billy's voice when he continued, "You wouldn't want to see Jenifur with three thousand screaming fans. The acoustics at Shaw suck, and I've been told you can't see anything unless you're in the pit. You'd hate every minute of it."
"Probably," Bobby agreed. "But I listen to the new CD sometimes. The singer still doesn't do much for me, but the music's good. Solid guitar work."
"Yeah, yeah." Bobby could hear someone calling and Billy's muffled reply, and then he came back and said, "Listen Bobby, I gotta go. I'll see you next week, all right?"
"Sure. You still got your key?"
"Yeah. Sorry for waking you up and apologize to your...whatever for me."
"No problem." Bobby hung up the phone, turned off the light, and settled back down on his pillow.
Dominic curled an arm around Bobby's middle and laid his head on his shoulder. "What was that all about?"
"I thought you'd gone back to sleep," said Bobby, running his hand up the smooth expanse of Dominic's back.
By way of reply, Dominic pressed his lips to Bobby's throat and wrapped one of his legs around him.
"That was my cousin, Billy." Bobby yawned and explained, "His band's tour is ending in Edmonton, so he decided to come home for a few days when it's over."
"He's a musician? Have I ever heard of him?"
"Maybe. Used to be in a punk band, now he plays guitar for an LA rock band called Jenifur."
"Oh yeah? Sounds like one of those groups Gabriella listens to." Bobby nodded and yawned again, as Dominic drowsily asked, "How come you've never mentioned him before?"
"I don't know. Just never came up." Bobby noticed that Dominic was completely relaxed against him, and had probably dozed off again. He needed to sleep too, but his mind was whirling with thoughts that Billy's call had stirred up.
Bobby had always been the good kid, getting decent grades in school and doing well at sports. He'd never felt much need to rebel beyond the usual teenage establishment of a separate identity, which was just as well because Billy made up for it in spades. A couple of times, he'd taken Bobby along for the ride and then used charm and guile to talk them out of trouble. When they got a little older, Bobby had envied Billy's natural charisma and good looks but, with growing up, had learned to appreciate the advantages of being average and living a more normal life.
Thoughts of Billy getting him in trouble naturally led Bobby to remember meeting Joe for the first time. Billy's new friend had looked like a regular kid, until he opened his mouth and said some of the filthiest things Bobby had ever heard in his young life. He'd been both scandalized and thrilled to learn a whole raft of new terms and ideas. The only time Bobby's mother had ever slapped him was after he'd accidentally said something he'd learned from Joe and Billy. He'd also been strongly *encouraged* not to hang out with the older boys any more.
A few years later, he'd sneaked out of the house to fake ID his way into bars where the Hard Cores were playing, a move that had only worked because he'd been big for his age. Bobby had found it exciting, but not quite the religious experience it seemed to be for Billy. Maybe that was because for him, music was just something to listen to, but for Billy it was something to be felt, something to throw his whole body into.
Bobby had spent a lot of time just watching Billy and Joe, who'd had some bizarre bond that definitely had a sexual aspect. But neither of them would have admitted to a general attraction to men if his life depended on it.
Bobby never could see the point in playing games, especially with himself, but that was what he saw in Joe and Billy's relationship, one long series of challenges, counter moves, little victories that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things because the game just kept on going. In hindsight, it seemed they were doomed from the start, a tragic end being a given. But at the time, the constant tension had seemed to feed them until they thrived on it.
Sighing, Bobby tried to clear his mind and go to sleep, but one more question wound through his brain. What would Billy think of Dominic?
*^*^*^
Ten days after that middle of the night phone call, Bobby came home from work to find Billy asleep on his couch, with an open book on his chest and the evening news playing low on the television. Quietly, Bobby went to take a shower, and when he came back, Billy was awake, remote control in hand, clicking through the channels.
Turning the TV off, Billy got up and followed Bobby into the kitchen. Bobby got a carton of orange juice from the refrigerator, while Billy got glasses out of the cabinet. After filling the glasses, Bobby opened another cabinet and took out an ashtray and set it on the table next to Billy's chair.
"Did you quit or something?" Billy asked, his hand hovering over his shirt pocket.
"Yeah, but go ahead. It won't bother me." Bobby sat down and tried not to hold his breath too visibly as Billy exhaled that first mouthful of smoke. How easy it would be to reach over and grab one of Billy's cigarettes for himself, but he didn't. He took a sip of his juice and said, "What took you?"
Billy shrugged and said, "Stopped off in Regina for a couple of days."
"Oh yeah? How's Billie?" He'd only seen Bill's daughter a couple of times, when her mother and extremely easy-going stepfather had brought her west to meet the family.
"Man, she's growing up. She's gonna be as tall and pretty as Mary. I've got pictures in my bag." He got up and went to the guestroom, returning a moment later with a stiff brown envelope. Opening it up, he shook out a five by seven school portrait and a stack of snapshots.
The eleven-year-old girl staring out of the photos was losing the baby roundness in her face, which made her look more like Billy than she ever had before. She definitely had his eyes, and there was a spark of familiar mischief in the smile, too. "She looks like you. Your mom would like to see these. You gonna see her?"
"No, not this time."
"You gonna see mine?"
"N--Maybe." Billy smiled and drank his juice down in two gulps.
"If you don't, she'll give me hell for it."
"Don't tell her I was here."
"She'll know anyway. She always does."
Billy shook his head as if to say it was Bobby's problem and he could deal with it. Bobby knew that was what he was probably thinking. After Bobby refilled their glasses and Billy lit another cigarette, the two men sat there in silence for a few minutes.
"Are you happy?"
Billy's question came out of the blue and was asked in an idle manner, as if they were discussing the weather, and Bobby had to think about it. He said slowly, "Yeah, actually I am now. Huh, how 'bout that? What about you?"
Billy appeared to consider the question just as carefully as Bobby had, finally saying, "I'm not particularly *unhappy* anymore, and that's worth something."
"It's worth a lot if it keeps you from trying to drink yourself to death." Bobby bit his lip and regretted his frankness almost before the words were out of his mouth. He knew how hard the rehabs and the twelve-step shuffle had been for Billy once he got strong enough to try it in the wake of Joe's death.
But instead of taking offense, Billy just nodded agreeably and held up his nearly empty juice glass as if offering proof of some sort of victory. "So how'd you get so fucking happy? Does it have something to do with what I interrupted the other night?"
Bobby shifted in his chair, picking up Billy's Zippo lighter and flicked it open and closed a few times. He stared at the engraving on the side as he answered. "Part of it, I guess. I'm starting to get over Gwen, and Dominic has helped with that. More than he knows."
"That's good, Bobby. I'm glad you've got someone to take her place."
"You know better than that, Billy. It doesn't work that way." No one could take Gwen's place because both she and their relationship were unique. He would always miss her and wonder what they might have eventually had together, but her death did not constitute the end of Bobby's life. It might have felt like it at the time, but the sun kept on rising every morning and so did Bobby.
"So what does this Dominic do? Is he a cop too?"
"Used to be. Now he's a coroner."
"That must be weird, looking at dead people everyday."
"Yeah, somebody's gotta do it. I'd like you to meet him while you're here. He's a good guy."
"Maybe. We'll see." Bobby smiled knowing that was Billy-speak for "Yes, but I'm going to make you convince me."
Some games he didn't mind playing--the inconsequential ones. "He's got a daughter, Gabriella, who--"
"You're not trying to fix me up, are you?"
"No, she's only seventeen, and even if she was older, I wouldn't pimp her out." Bobby shook his head and snorted, "Freak," just loud enough for Billy to hear, and apparently ignore.
Billy took his lighter back and shook another cigarette from the pack. "Well, you'd know more about pimps than I would."
"Think that'll get me on Jeopardy?"
Billy mimed hitting a game show buzzer and announced, "I'll take 'Hookers and Whores' for a thousand, Alex."
"Yeah, I'd clean up." Bobby sat back in his chair and rubbed the back of his neck. "What do you wanna do about dinner? We can go out or order in...whatever."
"Don't suppose your mom would cook for us?" Billy blew the words out on a long stream of smoke that made Bobby feel a twinge of jealousy before he reminded himself how much better he felt since quitting. He just had to keep telling himself that, until the belief was stronger than the pull of the tobacco.
"Not without advance notice, she wouldn't." Bobby sighed tiredly. He'd had a typically long day at work, and didn't really feel like going anywhere. "Why don't I fix some soup and sandwiches tonight and tomorrow we'll go out?"
"Sure. You can introduce me to your boyfriend."
Bobby got up from the table and went to see what kind of soup he had in the cupboard. "Don't start that shit with me, Billy," he said calmly, over his shoulder. He knew that Billy would needle him mercilessly all weekend if Bobby let him, not out of malice or homophobia, just for the simple joy of fucking with him.
"Ah, come on, Bobby. What else is he? What do you call him--your soul-mate, significant other, fuckbuddy, what?"
"I don't call him anything. He's...he's just Dominic."
Billy laughed and Bobby said, "Shut up." But he nearly laughed too,
because it was almost like they were kids again. He was really glad
that Billy had come, not that he'd tell *him* that in so many words.
But then, he didn't have to, because Billy already knew.
*^*^*^
Billy shook his head as he surveyed the shelves around the stereo. Among the rest of his modest collection, Bobby had every Hard Core Logo album, tape, and CD lined up in a progression of technology that marked the biggest--in all senses of the word-- part of Billy's life. He pulled one of the early albums out and looked at the picture on the back. Joe was standing in the center, just few steps in front of the rest of the guys, sneering into the camera as if he'd rather set it on fire than smile at it. John seemed to be looking at the photographer instead of the camera, Pipe was looking off to one side, watching traffic pass or just lost in his own little world, and Billy...
Billy was looking at Joe. Just like always. Now, he stared at the background and tried to place it--Second Narrows Bridge, maybe? He remembered going into the studio to cut that record and what a shoestring operation it was. But try as he might, Billy couldn't remember the day the shot was taken. He couldn't meet Joe's eyes, staring back at him accusingly from the photo. It hurt too much.
After five years, it still hurt. So much so that he wondered how he'd ever survived this long. Sometimes, he felt like a man who'd had a leg amputated, but woke up each morning thinking he had two...until he tried to stand up. He'd had little problem leaving Joe, going off to California secure in the knowledge that Joe was still here. Still being a dick, sure, but he was *here*. Now he wasn't, never would be again, and Billy had to deal with it.
And he did, most of the time. He was even dealing with it clean and sober these days. He'd once tried to picture Joe at a meeting, and had nearly cracked up right in the middle of a guy's pitiful life story. Joe would have pronounced the whole thing bullshit and then made fun of everyone there, before going off and getting stoned or drunk or whatever. Billy looked at the picture of his twenty-one year old self and remembered a time when he'd have done the same thing, after cursing out the person who suggested he go in the first place, of course. Too bad Joe never got over his anger, then maybe he'd be there with Billy in the church basements, YMCAs, and clinic conference rooms, drinking strong coffee out of paper cups, ignoring the cookies, and chain smoking his way through another step on the pitted and pot-holed road to recovery.
Billy put the album back, suddenly feeling very old. Some instinct made him look over at the hallway. Bobby was standing there watching him, hovering on the threshold of the room as if loathe to disturb him.
After a long silent moment, Billy tilted his head toward the shelf and said, "You ever listen to these?"
Bobby walked into the room and over to the shelves. "Yeah, I do, sometimes. When I'm feeling nostalgic mostly. Do you ever...?"
Billy shook his head and said, "Nah, not really." But it was a lie. He did listen to them whenever he felt like torturing himself. He could pick up his guitar and *play* the songs anytime, practically in his sleep, but listening to Joe's voice was another thing altogether--not to be taken lightly, or often. He had to pace himself for that kind of pain.
"You ever see the other guys?" Bobby asked, cautiously as if he might be afraid of ruining Billy's mood.
Billy smiled a reassurance and said, "Not lately. They've both moved on and got their own thing going."
Bobby smiled back just a little as he said, "Just like you, eh?"
"Yeah, just like me," Billy muttered, as Bobby went to answer the knock at the door.
When Bobby opened the door and admitted a grey-haired man in a grey suit, Billy hung back and quietly observed. The man, whom he assumed was Dominic, started to reach out to Bobby but faltered when he glanced over Bobby's shoulder. He gave Bobby a quick little pat on the shoulder as he was led over so that he and Billy could do the meet and greet.
"Da Vinci, huh? Da Vinci...that name sounds familiar." Billy thought for a minute, and then asked, "Bobby said you were a cop, right? RCMP drug squad?"
"Yeah, I was," Dominic nodded and grinned. "Don't tell me I arrested you."
"Not me." Billy glanced at Bobby, who wore a look of dawning realization, and nodded. Selective memory was a real bitch. He had no recollection of a photo shoot that had probably been a big deal at the time, but he could remember the name of a cop who arrested Joe for possession nearly fifteen years ago. "It was a friend of mine."
Dominic raised his eyebrows and shoulders in an 'I could say I'm sorry but it wouldn't be true' gesture, but Billy waved him off, saying dismissively, "He deserved it."
Bobby crossed his arms and looked down at the floor, and Billy knew he was trying not to smile. Bobby had long been amused by Joe's antics, but always tried to hide it. Billy thought that Bobby was afraid he'd be insulted or something, but he'd never bothered to ask. He sometimes got a kick out of Bobby's reactions to Joe, and he didn't want to mess that up by asking for explanations. "So where are we going for dinner? I'm hungry."
"Actually, Billy, I've got a little surprise for you. We're going to my parents', and I swear, I didn't have to tell Mom you were in town."
"She just... *guessed*?"
"Yeah. Maybe she's got spies at the airport or something."
Billy shook his head at the idea, but finally shrugged. His aunt was okay, and he'd meant to go see her anyway. The interesting thing was the apprehension spreading across Dominic's face as he pulled Bobby aside and said something too low for Billy to hear.
Bobby turned so that he faced Billy and Dominic at the same time and said, "Dominic, Billy already knows about us, and it would be okay if my mom figured it out. I'm not planning to *tell* her." He pointed at Billy and sternly said, "And you're not, either."
Billy grinned and took it as a personal challenge to get Aunt Lily to guess just what kind of 'friend' her son was bringing to dinner. He tried to imagine how she'd react, but the woman had a talent for doing the unexpected, and Uncle Robert...well, he never had much to say about anything. Billy was interrupted from his musings when Bobby asked Dominic, "Did you ask Gabriella if she was free to join us?"
Dominic laughed and said, "Oh yeah, she dumped her friends in a heartbeat when I mentioned who your cousin was. So we'll have to swing by Patricia's first. Is it okay with your mother to have extra guests?"
"I told her, and she's good. She loves any chance to entertain."
"Anybody *else* gonna be there, Bobby?" The question was out of Billy's mouth at about the same time the thought occurred to him.
Bobby looked at him steadily. "I wouldn't do that."
Billy felt some of the tension start to leave his shoulders, and said, "Yeah, sorry." And he was, because he knew neither Bobby nor Aunt Lily would make him see his mother if he didn't want to. He almost felt guilty about the lack of guilt he felt about not wanting to see her. But only *almost*. She'd made his life so unbearable as a kid because of his father's shortcomings and fuck-ups that he found himself with very little to say to her now. She, on the other hand, still had plenty to say--to bitch about, really. Their meetings usually ended up with him storming out and heading for the nearest bar, and that was not on his agenda any more.
After a moment of Bobby watching him and Dominic glancing back and forth between them in obvious confusion, Billy broke the silence. "So guess we better get going, huh?"
Bobby blinked as if snapping out of a trance. "Yeah, just let me grab something out of the kitchen."
Remembering he also had some things to get, Billy went
to get his coat and the pictures of Billie from his room, and when he came
back, Bobby was just drawing away from Dominic, whose mouth was wet and
eyes were a little glazed. Without missing a beat, Bobby swung around
to the counter and picked up a plastic-wrapped bouquet of mixed flowers,
and said, "Ready? Okay, let's go. Dominic, you can drive."
The Jeep Cherokee had barely turned into the driveway when a teenaged girl came out of the house. Her step faltered a little when she reached the car and saw Billy sitting in the back seat. He watched her take a deep breath and visibly calm herself down before opening the door and climbing in. She quickly said, "Hi, Dad. Hi, Bobby." and then turned to Billy with a shy smile and said, "Hello."
Bobby turned around and made the introductions, as Dominic backed the car out and put them back on the road.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mister Tallent." Gabriella sounded as if she'd been practicing for hours in front of the mirror.
Billy gave her his most charming smile and said, "Call me Billy. So your dad said you're a Jenifur fan?"
"Oh yes!" She grinned and said more calmly, "I have all your CDs."
"And...?" Dominic prompted from the front.
"...and the poster," said Gabriella, with a pointed glare at the back of her father's head. "I'd have a T-shirt too, if, like, *somebody* would have let me go down to Seattle for the show last month."
"Maybe next tour we'll play here." Billy gave her a wink and said, "In the meantime, I can probably come up with something for you before I leave."
"Oh wow, that'd be so awesome...Billy. Thanks." She looked out the window for a minute and then turned to him and said tentatively, "I...uh...don't suppose you could get me an autographed picture of Taylor, could you? He's kinda my favorite."
"I'll see what I can do." Billy wasn't surprised that the twenty-four year old pretty boy drummer was her favorite. That's the way it went with the younger fans. Billy tended to get more notice from amateur musicians or from older people who remembered him from his punk days. The lack of lavish attention didn't bother him because it freed him up to concentrate on the music and living his life. He could walk down the street without being accosted every dozen steps, yet he still got the money and professional prestige from being part of a band in the top ten countdown.
"I really liked 'By The Way'. Have you chosen the next single?"
"It's 'Never Said No'. It went to radio yesterday, I think." Billy still felt a little ambivalent about releasing that song as a single, because it was one of the few songs he'd ever written alone. He'd held onto it for almost six months before showing it to the bassist for an opinion, and had been surprised when the guy absolutely loved it and demanded that Billy play it for the rest of the group. Of course, having a female singer gave it a slightly different interpretation, so he didn't feel quite so *personal* about it by the time they recorded it and then played it live a few dozen times. "We're going to New York in two weeks to do the video."
Gabriella smiled and assured him, "I'm sure it'll be really great."
Billy just nodded, but personally he thought it would be a nightmare. He hated making videos because if he wasn't standing around waiting, he was in front of the camera trying to act like he was having fun when he really wasn't. They'd done a couple that were straight performances, and that was okay. He could just play his guitar and not have to do much. It was the 'concepts' he had the most trouble with. They all seemed aimed at making fifteen-year-olds more antisocial than they already were or making Jenna, the singer, seem like more of a tart that she really was--neither of which would have bothered him in the least back in the day. He refused to consider that he was getting too old to be in a band with kids who thought the only 'Generation X' was themselves and their twenty-something comrades, and had hardly even heard of any of the other punk bands that Billy used to listen to or play with. DOA, Germs, Misfits, Black Flag, Iggy-- they had no clue about any of it.
They only knew about Hard Core Logo because of Billy, and they treated his history as if it was not something to be proud of. But he was. He had to be, or nearly thirteen years was for nothing. More than that, all those roller coaster years of being Joe Dick's best friend and partner was for nothing, and he'd never be able handle that. It was, simply, his life.
"Are you okay, Billy?" Gabriella's voice called him back to the real world, and out of the place inside himself that he seemed to be visiting more and more these days.
"Yeah."
"Oh. Well, you just looked so sad for a minute." She glanced up front where Bobby was giving Dominic directions on where to turn, then leaned close to Billy and whispered, "Kinda like Bobby when I first met him. But he hardly ever looks like that now."
"Really? Well, why do you think that is?"
Gabriella shrugged and replied nonchalantly, "He's happy with my dad, I guess."
Billy laughed and Bobby glanced back and said, "What's so funny back there?"
"Not one fucking thing."
"Billy..." Bobby looked like he was going to say something else, but just turned back around and said, "Oh look, we're here."
The three men and one girl got out and trooped up the steps to the small porch of a red brick house. Bobby knocked on the door and then tried the knob, cursing when it turned easily in his hand. As he pushed the door open, he glanced at Gabriella and muttered, "Sorry." Then he called out a hello.
A distant voice called, "Come on in, and remind Billy to take off his shoes."
Bobby snickered while Billy grinned, slipped off his boots, and took off for the kitchen. When he walked in, his aunt was just taking a casserole dish out of the oven, and she set it down quickly on the counter so she could give him a hug, patting him on the back with hands still clad in oven mitts. He tried to act as if he didn't like it, but he stood still while she petted on him and said, "What've they been feeding you down there in California? Sprouts and tofu? You're as skinny as a rail."
"That's because they can't cook as good as you, Aunt Lily."
The woman shrugged and said, "That's probably true."
"Mom, you can't just leave the door unlocked like that," Bobby said as he came into the kitchen, with Dominic and Gabriella right behind him.
"I knew you were coming."
Bobby sighed and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand, while he offered the flowers with the other. "But it might not have been me at the door. Any junkie or pervert could be wandering the neighborhood checking doors."
"All right, dear, don't nag." She held her cheek up for a kiss, took the flowers, and said, "It's about time for you to get a haircut, isn't it?"
"Now who's nagging?" replied Bobby, but Billy knew he'd be getting a haircut before the week was out. "Where's Dad?"
"He's out back, and you'll have to go get him." She glanced out the window over the sink. "Even with the hearing aid, he doesn't notice when a car pulls up."
"OK, but first, I want you to meet my friends. This is Dominic Da Vinci and his daughter Gabriella." Then he gave them a little come closer wave and said, "My mother, Lily Marlow."
Lily took off her oven mitts, smoothed back an errant tendril of fading blonde hair, and shook Dominic's hand. "I've seen you in the papers. I like some of your ideas."
"Oh yeah? Do you mind if I ask which ones?" Dominic asked with a curious smile, while Bobby rolled his eyes and went out onto the back porch.
Billy tuned out a conversation that sounded increasingly political and drifted over to the door and looked out. The porch had been expanded a few years before to include a deck that stretched along one side of the small back yard. A line of tall trees and flowering shrubs shaded the eastern side, while the other side left a pretty nice view of the sunset. Billy watched as Bobby approached his father with a heavier step than usual, so that he could feel him coming, even without shoes.
The older man folded his newspaper and smacked Bobby's hand with it when he tried to help him out of his chair. Bobby threw his hands up and stepped back, and Billy had himself a little snicker at Bobby's expense.
Billy was leaning against the counter, wishing for a cigarette, when the Marlow men came into the kitchen. Uncle Robert stopped and squinted at Billy through his glasses, asking in the loud voice of the hard of hearing, "Did you get a real job yet?"
"Nope, I'm still a bum," Billy replied just as loudly, shaking his head.
Robert snorted and said to the room at large, "At least he's dedicated to being a bum, eh? Is supper on the table yet?"
"We're just waiting on you, dear." Lily quickly introduced the Da Vinci's to her husband and then ordered everyone into the dining room, except Gabriella, whom she pressed into service carrying serving dishes.
Billy took a seat across from Bobby at his aunt's end of the table, and smiled at his cousin innocently. Bobby immediately stiffened and said, "Billy, what're you up to?"
"I'm not up to anything, except enjoying the delicious dinner that your mom has so lovingly prepared."
Bobby groaned, while Dominic watched them with the confusion that was becoming his usual expression and asked, "What's going on guys?"
"Nothing," Bobby and Billy said at the same time, but Bobby added under his breath, "I hope."
Dominic shrugged and turned away to answer Bobby's dad
when he asked him what he did for a living.
They were halfway through dinner when Billy saw his opening. Lily complimented Dominic on his daughter's good breeding.
"She'd make the perfect granddaughter, wouldn't she, Aunt Lily?" He injected a note of sympathy in his voice when he added, "It's a shame Bobby never had any kids."
"Oh well, he's still got time to meet a nice woman to give him babies." Lily pinned Billy with a look, and said, "Or to find a woman who already *did*, hmm? So how is our sweet little Billie?"
"She's great, growing like a weed. I brought pictures." Billy took a long sip of his water, ignored the foot kicking him under the table, and said, "I don't think Bobby's all that interested in meeting a woman like that. Or meeting anyone at all, really."
"What?" Lily turned to her son. "What's he talking about, Bobby? Have you decided you don't want children?"
Bobby shrugged. "I don't really care one way or the other, Mom. I never have."
"Don't you *like* them?" She looked like she truly did not understand the concept, and Bobby was starting to fiddle nervously with his silverware.
"They're fine. What does it matter?"
"Well, I might want a grandchild or two. Did that not occur to you?"
"No, actually, it didn't. It's not my job to give you a kid."
"Well. I had no idea you felt this way." She raised her voice and said, "Robert, did you know Bobby doesn't want children?"
"So what if he doesn't want 'em? No damned law says you have to." He went back to his dinner as if the matter was settled, and Billy decided to try another tack.
"I guess it doesn't matter if Bobby wants kids, since he's not likely to get married any time soon." Billy smiled at his cousin who had finally stopped kicking him and was just glaring at him.
"I don't see a ring on your finger, Billy, so why don't you just shut the f-- just drop it."
"Yeah, but we're not talking about me." Billy shot a glance at Dominic, who looked extremely uncomfortable as he turned to engage Robert in conversation again.
Billy leaned forward and looked Bobby right in the eyes as he reminded him, "You said you didn't care if she found out. Why are you fighting it so hard?"
Lily held up a hand to stop Bobby from speaking and said, "Found out *what*, William?"
"I'll let Bobby tell you, Aunt Lily. It's his good news to share." Billy sat back in his chair and watched a blush creep over Bobby's face. He knew he was being mean to his cousin, but it was just so much fun. And Bobby had probably done just as bad to him, sometime in the past, if Billy could just remember it.
When the silence was broken, it came from an unexpected source because Billy had pretty much forgotten all about Gabriella watching the whole thing quietly. "Mrs. Marlow, I think Billy is trying to tell you that Bobby's, like, seeing my Dad. You know, like, dating him."
Lily stared at Bobby in wide eyed astonishment and shouted, "Good Lord, son, you're GAY?"
Before Bobby could answer, Robert snorted. "Well, that explains a lot. Now can we have the tea and cake, Lily?"
"Go get it yourself. I want to know when this happened." She never took her eyes off Bobby as Robert got up from the table and went to the kitchen.
"Mom..." He glanced at Gabriella and then Dominic with what looked, to Billy, like apology.
"Well, Gabriella already knows and I assume that Dominic does, if he's gay too. Why can't you tell your own mother? Didn't I tell you the facts of life because your father kept putting it off?"
"No, actually, it was Billy who did that--with pictures, because *his* dad had old issues of Playboy lying around instead of Popular Mechanics." Bobby gave Billy a 'take that, you bastard' half-smile and relaxed slightly.
"Boy, uh, some cake sure sounds good, so I think I'll just... Whatever," muttered Gabriella, standing up with her plate in her hand. "Excuse me, please."
Lily didn't even seem to notice that the room was clearing, she just kept looking at Bobby as if she'd never seen him before. "I don't think my nerves can stand this. How could you do this to me, Bobby? Was it something I did? Something your father did?"
"Oh for-- It's my life, Mom. It has nothing to do with you or Dad."
"Well, you're my son and those are my grandchildren that you're *not* having, so I beg to differ. And how could you keep this a big secret? Are you ashamed of this...this gay thing?"
Dominic held up his hand. "If I may, Mrs. Marlow?" He waited until he got a nod, and then said, "I'm sure you'll agree there's nothing inherently wrong with being gay. Neither Bobby nor I particularly identify as such, but that's not the point here, I think. The truth is, we *have* been seeing each other, and I'm sorry if that upsets you, because we plan to continue doing so."
"Look, Mom, this may not be the way I'd have chosen to tell you." He paused to glare at Billy again, but when Billy just smiled back, he continued, "But I'm not ashamed of it. I don't think either of us has anything to be ashamed of."
"Oh...well, I just don't understand this, Bobby, I really don't. I had no idea that you were, that you liked... that you felt this way." For the first time since the conversation had started, Lily reached over and patted Bobby's hand. "If you're happy, who am I to argue? I'm just your mother, not your keeper. This is going to take some getting used to, son, a *lot* of getting used to."
In the silence that descended on the dining room, Billy could hear Robert and Gabriella puttering around in the kitchen, making tea, he guessed. He was just about to get up and join them, to leave Bobby and Dominic to fend for themselves, when Lily spoke again. "I'm very disappointed that I won't get any grandchildren of my own, but maybe Gabriella's real grandparents would be willing to share her every once in a while. And there's always Billie. Goodness knows, Linda doesn't care about the child."
Billy ceased to be amused as soon as his mother's name came up. He hated being reminded that she showed little interest in his daughter--no matter what Bobby had said about the pictures--even though he knew he should be glad the bitter old bitch couldn't poison his kid's life. He wanted to forget her existence, but couldn't. It pissed him off to have any conflicted feelings about that woman, but old habits were hard to break. He barely suppressed a shudder as he realized that it was his relationship with Joe all over again...without the fucking, of course. He thanked God everyday that he wasn't *that* screwed up.
And speaking of screwed up... He could feel that restless, recklessness growing that usually accompanied the urge to drink, a desire fueled by whispers of "Oh, go ahead and do it. A few drinks won't hurt you. It'd feel so good to just go numb for awhile, wouldn't it? You can quit again tomorrow..."
When Robert and Gabriella came back into the dining room with a tray of dessert dishes and a tea service, Billy excused himself to use the phone. Pulling the phone book out of a drawer in the kitchen, he laid it open on the counter and started flipping through the pages until he found what he needed. Holding the telephone receiver up against his ear in preparation for dialing, he didn't hear the other man until Dominic was right next to him, saying, "You looking for a meeting? There's one at St. Vincent's at nine o'clock."
Billy hung up the phone and motioned Dominic to follow him out onto the back porch. Leaning against the rail in a pose of what he hoped was confident nonchalance, he didn't bother to ask how Dominic had guessed, and didn't bother to ask how he knew the next available time and location for an AA meeting. He waited for Dominic to say whatever he had to say, and he didn't have long to wait.
"That was pretty rough, what you pulled on Bobby." When he spoke, Dominic looked out over the backyard instead of at Billy, as if he were just shooting the breeze instead of taking him to task.
"He's a big boy. He'll get over it." He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his shirt pocket and offered one to Dominic, who shook his head. He flicked open his lighter and lit a cigarette. "Besides, he practically *dared* me to do it with that 'I don't care if she finds out' bullshit."
"Maybe, but I also heard him ask you not to tell."
"No. He didn't ask. He ordered, which is the equivalent of a double dare in my book. He should know that. Fuck, he *does* know that." Billy blew out a cloud of smoke and said confidently, "It'll come to him when he calms down."
Dominic seemed to ponder that for a moment, before nodding and saying, "Okay, if that's how you feel, but why do it in front of me and Gabriella? That's the part that's not quite making sense to me, so maybe you could explain it to me."
Billy shrugged and said, "Opportunity mostly. I won't be seeing Bobby's parents again while I'm in town. It's just too weird."
Dominic shot him a surprised look. "Oh? Why's that?"
"What, Bobby didn't tell you?" Billy shook his head, crushed out his cigarette then stuck the butt in the pocket of his jeans. "His mom and mine are identical twins. Personality-wise, they're like night and day, but it's still not...easy."
He stared up at the few stars peeking out between the scattered clouds, and hoped he was right about Bobby forgiving him. He didn't need any more burnt bridges in his life. Sighing, he turned back to Dominic. "St. Vincent's at nine, huh?"
Dominic nodded and asked if he needed directions or a ride, but Billy looked at his watch and shook his head. Thinking it would be better to just catch a cab from here, he went back inside and looked up the number of a taxi service.
After making the call, Billy went back to the dining room to find that Dominic had already returned to his seat and was sipping a cup of tea. He stood by his aunt's chair and said, "I've got to go now. I left an envelope of pictures by the phone. Take a couple of snapshots for yourself and then send the rest home with Bobby."
"What? You're leaving already?" Lily looked up at him, but despite the questions, she didn't seem too surprised. "Why don't you at least stay for dessert? It's your favorite--chocolate-cherry cake."
"I...uh..." He cleared his throat and tried again. "I appreciate it, but the cab's on its way. Send some home with Bobby?"
"I always do, dear," Lily laughed. Then she said gently, "You take care of yourself, Billy. And don't take so long between visits."
Billy bent down and kissed her on the cheek, then straightened and said, "Hey Uncle Robert, you take it easy and don't give Bobby too much of a hard time."
"I'll leave that to you, boy. Bring that little girl with you next time. Lily wants to see her."
Billy grinned and said, "I'll do that. Maybe at Thanksgiving."
"I'll walk you out," Bobby said as he pushed his chair back and stood up.
Billy just nodded and led the way out to the front steps, where he sat down to put his boots on. "All right, let me have it."
"They'd have found out sooner or later anyway. Or I'd've had to keep this thing with Dominic a big secret from them, and I don't... I guess I'm glad to not have to do that anymore." He sighed and added, "Your tactics suck and I *am* a little pissed about that, but... Life's too short to hold a grudge."
Billy was relieved to hear that Bobby was taking this so well, but something about that last statement nagged at him. Before he had a chance to think about it, Bobby was talking again. "Our jobs already make discretion a top priority, so it'll be nice--a relief, really--to not have to pretend with my family. Mom's gonna have a ball getting to know Dominic. And Gabriella... Mrs. Da Vinci better watch out or Mom'll steal Gabi right away from her."
Seeing the cab coming down the street, Billy stood up and said, "Well, here's my ride. I'll try not to *interrupt* anything when I come back to your place."
"Shut up," said Bobby with a little laugh, punching him on the arm. Billy waited until he was inside the cab and half way down the block before he rubbed his arm.
*^*^*^*^
Bobby waited until they were almost at Patricia's house before he brought up the subject they were all trying to avoid. He turned to Gabriella and said, "I'm sorry you had to hear that."
Gabriella didn't even blink at the abrupt and somewhat vague statement. She shrugged and said, "That was positively *sedate* compared to the screaming matches Mom and Dad had before the divorce--and during and after, come to think of it."
"Sweetheart, please..." Dominic wore a pained expression that made Bobby want to either laugh or kiss it away. Since Dominic was pulling into his ex-wife's driveway, he did neither.
"Oops. Sorry, Dad," said Gabriella with a smile that managed to be both innocent and insincere at the same time. She got out with a reminder for him to pick her up the next afternoon. She stopped at Bobby's window, waited until he rolled it down, and said, "Um, I really like your parents, and I'm glad I got to meet them. Thanks, Bobby."
Bobby smiled and waved as she ran into the house. Then he turned to Dominic and said, "You've got a great kid, you know that? A little weird, but great."
"All teenagers seem a little weird to adults. Most of us grow out of it, though I have to wonder about your cousin."
Bobby stared out the window and said, "He's had a rough life, but he's okay. The fact that he's still here is testament to that." Before Dominic could reply or ask what he meant, Bobby turned to him and said, "So are you gonna tell *your* mother?"
"Oh, hell no." Dominic was so quick to answer, Bobby knew he must have given it some thought. "She's old, and my pop's stroke and then his death were very hard on her. And she's Catholic, did I mention that? No, no, that's a stress that I'm not willing to put her through."
"I understand that," Bobby nodded, and then turned back to watch the buildings and cars passing by outside his window.
When they pulled up outside Bobby's building, Dominic put his hand on his arm and said, "Are you okay, Bobby?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just been a really...strange night." Bobby smiled and said, "Can you stay for awhile?"
"I was hoping to." Dominic glanced around the quiet parking lot and then leaned over and kissed Bobby softly and quickly on the lips. "You looked like you needed that."
Bobby nodded and said, "That's close. Let's go upstairs
and I'll show you what else I need." What all he had in mind would
take a while, but Bobby figured if they really *applied* themselves, Billy
wouldn't have anything to interrupt.
*^*^*^
Billy settled in a folding chair in the back row and sipped at his coffee. A well-dressed young woman was qualifying, and her story, while intensely personal, was also universal enough that Billy started to feel that he'd heard it all before. She used all of the standard phrases and terms. He tried to pay attention, but his mind kept drifting back to what Bobby'd said about life being too short to hold grudges.
Mary must have held that philosophy to forgive him for trying to get custody of Billie. He was drinking so heavily at the time, it was no wonder that the judge had nearly laughed him out of the courthouse. That had been his personal wake up call, and the first time he went to rehab. Mary had agreed to talk to him again after the second stay, but it had taken him three months of staying sober on the outside to convince her to let him see Billie. He'd never given kids much thought and had certainly never thought of having any of his own, until he saw his daughter and it really clicked that she was his.
Oddly enough, that click had occurred when he was standing over Joe's grave. Mary had come to Vancouver alone for the funeral, and Billy had looked at her across that freshly turned dirt and he'd just *known* what he'd only suspected that night in Regina before Joe had distracted him. That night had been typical of Billy's relationship with Joe and any woman Billy took an interest in. Joe gave him just enough time to flirt with the idea before reeling him back in and demanding all his attention.
That possessiveness was so fucking typical. Joe had needed Billy to be aware of him at all times, where he was standing on stage, where he was sitting in a room, whatever. He had to be the center of attention for Billy, if for no one else, and he'd do anything to make sure he was. As difficult as that had made life, Billy had fallen right in with the plan, until it had finally gotten to be too much. It had hurt like hell to walk away from Joe and Hard Core Logo, but he'd done it easily enough when he'd realized that Joe's possessiveness was unhealthy. Hard and easy at the same time, that was life with Joe all over the place.
Billy knew what John and Pipe--and possibly even Joe himself-- had thought about his reasons for leaving. But they were wrong. It wasn't the fucking itself. No, that was just another evasion, another excuse, an *acceptable* way to show that Joe had gone too far. The problem had been more internal and personal than that--in essence, Billy had gotten so used to Joe's demands on his time, his body, his...soul that he'd come to anticipate them, almost desire them, no matter how bad he felt about it. And he'd realized that if he kept giving away those little pieces of himself, he'd have nothing left.
During the break, Billy went to the bathroom mostly because he didn't want to get pulled into any conversations. He was feeling too exposed, too raw around the edges to make small talk, even with people who understood. Returning to the fellowship hall, he got another cup of coffee, tossed a couple of dollars in the basket, and ate an oatmeal cookie that wasn't nearly as good as what his aunt could bake. He took his seat as the meeting got underway again with people talking from the floor if they felt like it.
A middle-aged man stood up and said he had ten days, but while he described the struggle keeping those ten days had been, Billy's mind wandered again to Bobby and Dominic. He liked Dominic well enough after their first meeting, but he doubted the feeling was mutual. The thought didn't bother him too much, because he'd finally learned that not everybody had to like him. Just as long as he and Bobby were okay he'd be contented. Having Bobby on his side had gotten Billy through some of the worst parts of his life--when Billy had turned the bottle loose long enough to *let* Bobby help him.
He hid a smile behind his coffee cup when he thought of Bobby standing toe to toe with Joe's brother, demanding that he allow Billy to place that busted up Fender in Joe's casket. How he'd placed himself between Billy and Bucky Haight, whom Billy had unreasonably and somewhat inexplicably decided to blame for Joe's suicide, until logic set in some weeks later.
Yeah, Bobby had stood up for him, so now Billy wanted to be happy for him. Bobby had found a guy who gave him what he needed, and Billy didn't want to be jealous of that. But he was, at least a little, which was one reason he'd fucked with Bobby by outing him to his parents. It might not have been the main reason, but he couldn't pretend it wasn't a factor. Living in Joe's shadow, with Joe's ghost always over his shoulder, Billy couldn't even imagine being with another guy. And dating women wasn't much better because he couldn't manage to connect with anyone long enough to make anything work.
He'd been seeing a woman who lived in his apartment building for awhile before the tour, but he doubted that she'd still be available when he got back to LA. He'd told her not to wait for him, and he'd never given her much reason to go against that suggestion. He wasn't exactly *reliable* as a lover, too easily distracted, too quick to retreat inside himself. He knew these things about himself, but couldn't change them. And, really, he didn't even know if he wanted to change.
He snapped out of his thoughts and realized it was his turn. He stood up and said, "My name is Billy, and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you for your qualification. I have two years, eleven months and eight days." The supportive applause he received suddenly meant more to him than a club full of screaming fans, and he had to blink the dampness out of his eyes before he could continue.
"In 1991, I got out of a-- a relationship that was...not good for me. I moved a couple thousand miles and I almost quit drinking. I still had an occasional social drink, but I didn't get falling down drunk any more. I worked hard at my...uh, career, and I started to get some success. Then four years later, I got a call that brought me back here and to the relationship that I'd left. Almost immediately, I started drinking again, heavily. Being back was an emotional roller coaster--both personal and professional-- and I needed the numbness to deal with it-- all the anger and the disappointment and the...love." He coughed and hurriedly continued, "So anyway, after all this shit happened, the person who'd been...uh, running that roller coaster committed suicide and I just knew that he blamed me--before he even did it, he held me responsible."
Billy laughed shortly, and he could still hear traces of old bitterness in it. "The fucking irony is that while he was blaming me for what he saw as betrayal, I was blaming him for fucking me over again. So I drank even more to dull the pain. I had all this self-loathing and anger and grief, and naturally, I didn't want to feel any of it so I let the alcohol deaden it. But that was another big lie I was telling myself, because I was still hurting.
"The funeral is astonishingly clear in my memory even though I was completely hammered. There were flowers--flowers for fucking Joe Dick, can you believe it? I can't stand the smell of carnations or the sight of blood red roses to this very day. John was back on his meds, wearing a suit and looking normal and sane. Pipe was silent for once in his life, just sat there with his girlfriend like he didn't know where the fuck he was. And Joe... Joe was the fucking center of attention, just like always. He'd have loved to be there for it, to hear what people were saying about him, seeing who cried and who smiled...
"I...I wanted to crawl up there in the casket with him. I wanted to crawl in and pull the lid down tight. Probably would have done it if I hadn't had somebody holding be back, doing his damnedest to take care of me and remind me that I wasn't dead, which I really didn't appreciate at the time. Part of it was that I wanted to *want* to die, but I really *didn't* and I felt guilty about that. It was all mixed up like that. And part of it was that I couldn't quite conceive of a world without Joe in it, and when it started to sink in that *that* was the world I was stuck with.... I didn't know how to deal with it except try to fill the hole-- with alcohol mostly."
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and wiped his damp face with a hand that was none too steady.
"The...uh, *bottom* I hit was in trying to get custody of my kid. Like I thought a fucked up drunk was better for her than a stable home with her mother and the man she thought was her father. I was still trying to fill that hole. I didn't get custody and that was one of the best things that happened to me. It woke me the fuck up, and I went to a rehab, ended up right next door to the guy whose job I'd just taken. Ain't that a bitch? He'd have probably laughed his ass off if he hadn't spent most of the day curled up in the fetal position, whimpering.
"That one didn't work--I left after a week-- but it was a start. I went to another one and had more success. It was slow and I thought the pain was going to kill me, but every day that I didn't drink...was another day that I didn't drink. I must have gone to a hundred meetings that first couple of months. For awhile, I thought maybe I'd switched one addiction for another, and I'd have to go to meetings for meeting-junkies."
That got a good-natured laugh and a couple of 'oh yeah's" and 'I remember's from the crowd, and Billy grinned. He'd gotten into the zone, and mostly had forgotten about the rest of the group.
"So I've been doing well, staying sober, feeling *level*, you know? And then today, a lot of this got stirred up again--I started to see the parallels in all the fucked up relationships in my life. And I came face to face with my cousin's ability to have a normal relationship with someone he loves and that seems to love him back, without getting punched in the face or kicked in the gut. Either literally or figuratively. I should be happy for him--for them, but I got so fucking jealous that I couldn't even express it. I swallowed it, but that doesn't fill the hole either.
"I came here tonight because I was going to drink if I didn't. I didn't come to talk really. I just thought that being here and listening to other people's successes or struggles would help me keep it all in perspective. And I guess it did, because when I leave here, I'm not going to drink. Thank you for listening."
He sat down to more applause, and the woman closest to him reached over and patted him on the back. He lit a cigarette and listened to a couple more people speak, actually paying attention this time, and then the chairman was leading the prayer.
*^*^*^*
"This is when I want a smoke the most. You know that?" Bobby slipped a T-shirt over his head and pulled it down. "And that's depressing because it's such a cliche."
Dominic stopped buttoning his shirt and walked around the bed. Reaching out for Bobby, he placed a slow, lingering kiss on his mouth, then said teasingly, "But you taste so much sweeter now."
Bobby smiled and captured Dominic's lips once more, licking them open and kissing deeply. Finally, he had to push Dominic away. Otherwise, he'd have to drag him back down to the bed again and they didn't have time for that. Billy'd be home soon, and if Bobby actually gave him something to interrupt, Billy'd have too much fun and Bobby'd never live it down.
They both managed to keep their hands to themselves long enough to finish dressing. While Dominic went into the kitchen to get them a drink, Bobby went to the stereo and put in a cassette.
As Joe Dick's pissed-off growl ripped out of the speakers, Dominic walked over, handed Bobby a glass of juice, and said, "Oh, now that's relaxing."
Bobby laughed and pulled Dominic over to the couch with him. "That's Billy on guitar. This is his old band, Hard Core Logo."
They sat close together and listened to the music for a few minutes. Bobby held the stereo remote in his hand, so he could switch to radio the second he heard Billy at the door. Nudging Dominic's knee with his, Bobby said, "Can you believe I got laid for the first time at one of their shows? I was sixteen, and she was a groupie."
"No. Really?" Dominic snickered. "How was it?"
"Quick. It was very... quick." Bobby grinned and shook his head at his dorky teenage self. "I was so shocked that my 'I'm related to the guitarist' line had actually seemed to work, I almost didn't know what to do next. Lucky for me, she did."
"Lucky for you." Dominic put his hand on Bobby's thigh, absently stroking in an oddly soothing gesture, but when the song changed, his grip tightened briefly. "Hey, I remember this now. I remember busting that singer--that's what Billy was talking about earlier, right?"
"Joe Dick," supplied Bobby helpfully.
"Joe Dick. Yeah, I remember him. Not only did the guy refuse to give me his real name, he kept calling me a cocksucker." Dominic shook his head and didn't seem insulted at all by the term, probably because he'd been called much worse at some point. "I handed him over to a uniform and didn't give him much thought, because I was after bigger fish, but I guess he made an impression after all."
"Joe was real big on making an impression. Didn't have to be a good one, just as long as everyone remembered him. He tried to make an impression on me once and I flattened him. I'd like to think I could have taken him even if he'd been sober at the time, but I don't know. He had more experience, but I was in better shape. He didn't like me much even before then because I was...amused by the fucked up things he did, and--after the age of fifteen or so--I wasn't afraid of him."
"What did that son of a bitch try to do to you?" Dominic asked indignantly, the hand on Bobby's leg clenching again.
"It was no big deal. Just his usual fucking around. I went to the Academy the next month and didn't see him much after that. I don't know how Billy put up with him for so long." Bobby straightened out Dominic's fingers and moved them back and forth in their previous motion, until Dominic got the message and took over the action himself. Bobby leaned his head back against the couch cushions and relaxed into Dominic's side, and they sat like that for a while before Dominic broke the silence.
"The coroner's office got a call about this guy's body being stolen from its grave a few years ago. Turned out to be a hoax. I dunno *why* anyone would pretend to steal a corpse, but somebody did. There are some crazy people in the world."
"Yeah, I heard that." Bobby met plenty of them on the job, and some days, it seemed that's all he met. Before he could go down that depressing road, he heard Billy's key in the lock and pushed the button to switch over to radio. If the tape hadn't been between tracks, he might have missed it since Billy seemed to be making a special effort to be quiet.
Bobby got up and took the tape out, sticking it up on the shelf with the rest, then went to the kitchen and set out the cake he'd brought from his parents' house. Billy walked in, looking surprised to see Bobby in the kitchen. Bobby asked, "You want me to put on some coffee?"
"No, I've had enough. I'll take some milk though," Billy said, opening the refrigerator and taking the jug out.
Bobby stuck his head around the corner and said, "Hey Dominic, you want coffee or milk?"
Dominic said milk, so Bobby turned back and told Billy to get three glasses. Then he got out the plates and silverware and cut three big slices of cake without asking anyone's opinion.
The three men settled at the table and after a few moments, Billy looked up from his plate. "Thanks for the tip, Dominic."
Dominic just nodded, and Bobby didn't ask. He had an idea what they were talking about, but because Dominic had never brought it up, he wasn't going to either.
Billy picked one of the candied cherries out of the icing with his fork, and popped it into his mouth. "You think your mom would send me care packages if I did something for her?"
"Sure, she would. What are you offering?"
"For a steady supply of this--" He lifted a fork full of rich dark chocolate cake. "I'd buy her a new car."
Bobby laughed and said, "I don't think that'd be necessary. All you have to do is wear some tight jeans and a thin T-shirt so she can see how skinny you are. She'd probably offer to come to LA and cook for you full time."
"Fuck it. I don't need that." Billy cleaned his plate before either Bobby or Dominic were half through, then got up and cut another slice. He sat back down and asked with a curious smile, "Did you boys have fun while I was gone?"
Bobby rolled his eyes and huffed a loud sigh, while Dominic grinned very cat-like and nodded. "Oh yeah, we-- Well, I certainly did."
"That's great. I'm glad somebody's getting some," Billy laughed. "I've been dating my right hand for so long we should be engaged by now."
Bobby doubted the truth of that statement because, surely, Billy could have any woman he wanted. But Bobby was so glad to see him smiling and joking around, that he didn't say anything just pushed his plate over to Billy and sat back in his chair.
"We're okay, right, Bobby?" Billy didn't look up from his plate when he asked the question almost offhandedly.
"Yeah, Billy, I told you. We're good," Bobby said firmly, then he looked over at Dominic and raised an eyebrow. "Good, right?"
"Yeah," Dominic said, somewhat less enthusiastically. "So how long are you gonna be in town, Billy?"
Billy's head jerked up as he said, "Couple more days. Why?"
"Just want to know what to expect. You planning any more excitement like we had tonight?"
"No, I'm done." Billy shrugged and took a sip of his milk, before saying, "If you want me to apologize, you're wasting your time."
"No, if anyone deserves an apology, it's Bobby and if he wants one, he'll ask for it. He doesn't need me to stick up for him."
"But you would," Billy guessed.
"Well, yeah, I would. Of course, I would, but don't give me a reason to and we'll get along just fine." Dominic finished his milk and turned to Bobby, and said, "There's one thing I've been meaning to ask. Why didn't your dad have more to say about all this?"
"That's just the way he is. He'll say whatever he's got to say when he gets damned good and ready, but he really doesn't get worked up about much."
"Except people doing stupid stuff or being mean to little kids," Billy said with a smile. "One of the few times I ever saw Uncle Robert really angry was when my dad came around to borrow enough to cover the rent money he'd lost at the track."
Bobby leaned toward Dominic and added, "My dad thinks gambling is one of the dumbest things anyone can do--especially when you can't afford to lose, so that was almost enough to set him off right there."
"Unfortunately, I happened to make some smart-ass comment, and my dad backhanded me hard across the face. He didn't even think about it, that there were other people around. You know, just reflex--*crack*." Billy smiled and there was nothing pleasant about it. "Uncle Robert hit my dad so hard, he knocked the screen door off the hinges as he went flying down the steps. He was all sprawled out on the sidewalk, blood running out his nose, cursing Robert and me and just about everything else he could think of, but he didn't do anything. He was too much of a coward to take on a grown man."
"Dad kept Billy at our house until Aunt Linda came to get him, and even then he made her promise he'd be all right."
Billy shrugged and said, "That was easy 'cause my old man was halfway to fucking Calgary by then, leaving my mom to get the rent money herself."
"That's brutal," Dominic murmured sympathetically, and Bobby thought he might be looking at Billy in a slightly different light now.
"Nah, Aunt Lily slipped it to her behind Robert's back." Billy shrugged again and said, "That's just how life is. If you can't get something one way, you have to get it another. No shame in that."
No one seemed to have anything to add to that pronouncement, so they all just sat there and let the radio fill the silence. After a commercial break, the DJ came back and said, "Next up is five in a row and here's a brand new one to kick it off. It's 'Never Said No' by Jenifur..."
The driving guitar, up-tempo drumbeats, and singer's sweet delivery almost masked how sad and dark the song really was, but Bobby recognized the true voice behind the words. That was Billy's pain coming over the airwaves. He looked at his cousin, whose face was carefully blank and said, "You wrote this."
"I thought you said you'd listened to the CD."
"I have, but I guess I didn't listen close enough." It was hurting *Bobby* to listen to it, so he couldn't imagine how Billy managed to play it live just about every night. "Damn, Billy, how do you do it?"
"It's...it's not really mine anymore. It's changed enough that I can't take every word personally. I had to let it go in order to let the band have it in the first place." While he was talking, Billy had taken out his cigarettes and lighter, but now he laid them on the table and said, "I think I'm going to bed. Will I be seeing you in the morning, Dominic?"
Dominic shook his head and Billy pulled a scrap of paper out of his shirt pocket and said, "Give me your address."
"Why would you want that?"
"I told Gabriella I'd send her something, but I can just send it to Bobby if you don't trust me."
"No, here you go." He whipped out a pen and scribbled out his address. "Now I guess I better be getting home." Dominic stood up as Billy did and held out his hand.
Billy looked at him cautiously as he returned the handshake, and said, "I guess you're all right for a narc."
"I guess you're all right for a punk," Dominic shot back with a grin.
Bobby snorted a laugh and said, "Can you feel the love in here? When do we have a group hug?"
"Fuck off." Billy grinned widely. "I'm going to sleep. If you guys go for round two, just do it quietly."
"Good *night*, Billy." Bobby waited until the irritation was safely in his room with the door closed, before turning to Dominic.
Dominic put his arm around Bobby's shoulder as they walked to the front door and asked, "Bobby... Are you really all right with everything that's happened?"
"I'm okay, as long as you are." Bobby nodded and leaned in for a long goodnight kiss. He cautioned Dominic to drive safely, knowing that he would, then told him to give him a call in the morning.
As Bobby shut the door behind Dominic, he realized he
didn't have any *reason* for Dominic to call. He'd just want to hear
his voice. He shrugged and figured if that was okay with Dominic,
then it was okay with him.
The End.